Divorce and Children

In divorces where there are children, is the solution not to tighten the divorce law but to tighten child support laws?

Today, many children are left behind with only one parent due to divorce. In many studies it has been shown that children of divorced couples receive many negative effects on their well-being. Hence, tighter child support laws are not the answer. All the money in the world cannot cure the psychological damage that divorce has on a child. Children need two parents as they are growing up.

Today, it is too easy to go about getting a divorce. Both spouses do not even have to be in agreement in order to go through a divorce. For a parent to go through a divorce without the other spouse's consent is careless, especially when children are held in the balance. Children may be led to believe that the divorce is their fault. After the divorce the children also lose the opportunity to be with both of their parents at the same time. Memories like summer vacations or trips to the ballpark with mom and dad can no longer be created. Because of divorce, events like the ones previously stated can only be enjoyed with one of the parents.

Living with a single parent has another disadvantage. As a child grows up he or she may want a parent of the same sex to go to for advice. As a male child living with a single mother, I know how hard it can be when I have problems that a mother does not understand as well as a father would. It is important for children to have a parent of the same sex around for bonding purposes. Tighter child support laws cannot help things like that. Child support just helps the children eat food off of the table and have a place to live, and children need a lot more than that in order to stay healthy.

Be Understood!

Your conflicts sometimes lead to painful or bitter fights. When all is said and done after your difference du jour, you both feel frustrated, hurt, dejected and misunderstood. You both know you will repeat your familiar but painful scenario in the near future; it’s a matter of when, not if. You feel helpless and confused, and have no idea how to break the pattern you faithfully, but regrettably, repeat. In the end, the refrain is the same: “You just don’t understand!"
We all want to be heard and understood, and when we’re not, all too often we blame our partner for it. However, the responsibility for being understood begins on your own side of the street, not your partner’s. Unwittingly, you undercut being understood when under stress.
Ironically, you probably ‘know’ what constitutes effective and ineffective behavior when hashing out an issue. And yet, ineffective stuff easily surfaces. For example, calling your partner a derogatory name seldom leads to your partner feeling safe, but you do it anyway, with predictable consequences.
This happens, in part, because emotional states tend to trump clear thinking. Keeping emotional reactivity low can be a challenge. Humans run from pain much faster than doing the crucial work that leads them toward pleasure. Why? Our brains are wired to run from danger and pain. It’s a survival reflex.
Ineffective behavior in the service of decreasing your pain reduces emotional safety. In short, a relationship is only as emotionally safe as the partner who feels the least safe.
When couples decide to join their lives together, they believe their union is a team. Introduce conflict in to your day-to-day lives, it may feel like you’re on opposing teams! Amazing, isn’t it? How often have you said to yourself, your partner or a friend, “when we fight, I can never win,”? Or, “I knew I married Mr./Ms. Right, I just didn’t know his/her first name was ‘always’!”
Being right during a conflict goes hand in hand with winning. The result is the same. The ‘right’ one feels good, and the ‘wrong’ one feels bad. The net effect: distance, and a failure to produce emotional safety and relationship closeness.
So, here’s what to do instead of pounding a nail in to your shoe. What if you did some things completely different, such as the following: 1)gave up being right and winning 2)spoke with honesty 3)talked about yourself. OK, now, suspend disbelief, take a deep breath, give it a shot, try any or all, and see what happens:)

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Dostoevsky is my favorite ancient author. The Brothers Karamazov is my favorite book, I also enjoy the Idiot, Crime and Punishment, The Gambler and Notes from the Underground. His books are moralistic, but as others have pointed out--not dogmatic. His personal life was pretty interesting, in a sad way. His father was a violent alcoholic, he came from a large family, his mother died of tuberculosis, he was exiled to Siberia after being part of a 'mock execution' which, apparently, is how they handled criminals back then. Weird. I believe that it was all these events that led him to be an existentialist back before it was 'cool' to do so. I also think this is why his books are so awesome still to this day. They do not always translate well, but they are definately worth the read. Here, I wanted to write some beautiful quotation of him:
"The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons. "
"If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you. "

The Subways- "All or Nothing"

If you’re tired of your favourite bands bemoaning the ‘difficult second album’ on the eve of phoning in substandard sophomore efforts, spare a thought for The Subways. Enduring Billy Lunn’s potentially voicebox-curtailing surgery, then the in-studio break-up of the guitarist and his bass-playing childhood sweetheart Charlotte Cooper, the trio’s difficulties cut deeper than the drummer getting into jazz or the singer preferring multipacks of Monster Munch to writing good tunes. It’s astonishing to consider then that, with their second record, the Welwyn Garden City band have somehow made the best British rock album of the year so far.

It’d be easy to spend the rest of this review exploring the impact both these events have had on the record, and there are, of course, timely reminders of what they’ve been through. Consider the title track’s soggy-eyed utterance of “Those days are dead and gone/And in time we all move on” or ‘I Wont Let You Down’ and Lunn’s admission, “I scream and shout/I’m lost for words”. But in understanding what makes the follow-up to their patchy 2005 debut ‘Young For Eternity’ great, it’s not so much what The Subways have been through that provides the clues, but rather where it suggests they’re going.See, here’s a record that gives a shot of endorphins into the arm of indie rock (we’re talking Sebadoh and Mudhoney rather than Kaiser Chiefs and The Pigeon Detectives here) and positions its creators as heirs to the throne of fuzz. ‘Alright’ recalls Bob Mould’s great post-Hüsker Dü outfit Sugar, ‘Kalifornia’ makes us want to dig out Therapy?’s 1994 bubblegum punk masterpiece ‘Troublegum’, ‘Shake! Shake!’ recalls sporadically fun Scot-rock .

It’s worth considering the input of producer Butch Vig, who has fine previous at this sort of thing, helping the band succeed second time out where their peers have so often failed. ‘All Or Nothing’ suggests that when the age-old union of melody and stomp-box combine, it sounds as thrilling as it has done at any point in the history of rock’n’roll. See, in ‘All Or Nothing’, The Subways haven’t just made a great record – they’ve vindicated everyone who still believes in the power and the glory of three chords and distortion pedals.


Here is a photo of me and my friend,in The Subway's concert, in Istanbul,2010.

Learning Disability in Childen

Today i want to mention about learning disability in children which a topic that concerns a counselor directly.
Firstly i want to define what is Learning Disability? It can be defined as a difficulty in one or more of the basic psychological processes involved in understanding or in using spoken or written language, which may manifest itself in an imperfect ability to listen, speak, write, spell or to do mathematical calculations. A child with a learning disability cannot try harder, pay closer attention, or improve motivation on their own; they need help tolearn how to do those things. A learning disability, or learning disorder, is not a
problem with intelligence.
The "early warning signs" of learning disability is very important.The primary characteristic of alearning disability is a Significant difference between a child's achievement in some areas and his or her overall intelligence.In Written language: difficulties with reading,writing and spelling, punctuation,slow copying can be seen. In spoken language: delays, disorders, and deviations in listening and speaking,prononciation problems,difficulty in learning new words,understanding, questions,lack of interest in story telling.In cognitive area: difficulty in remembering information and instructions,memorizing alphabet or days of week. In arithmetic: difficulty in performing arithmetic operations,counting or in understanding basic concepts such as size,shape and colour can be observed.
There is an important role of families in helping their children.Some pointers for parents of children with learning disabilities can be explained like that; take the time to listen to your children as much as you can. Love them by touching them, hugging them(they need physical contact), look for and encourage their strengths,interests, and abilities, reward them with praise, good words, smiles. Help them to correct their mistakes by showing what they should do. Don't hesitate to consult with teachers or other specialists in order to understand what might be done to help your child.