"Romance" in my point of view

Romance does not necessarily have to fade away in the long-term relationships and transform into a friendship-type love, according to a new study. Romantic love can last a lifetime and lead to even happier, stronger and healthier relationships.
Many people identify romantic love as passionate love, which, in my opinion, is not true. Romantic love has the same intensity, involvement and sexual chemistry, that has the passionate love, with the exception of an obsession. Obsessive love is always accompanied by feelings such as anxiety and uncertainty, and never survives for a long time. I think those who reported passionate love in their relationships, were more likely to be satisfied for the short period of time, rather than the long term. Also, it seems that couples who expressed the most satisfaction with their partner, turned out to be much happier and had higher self-esteem.When partners feel and know that they are there for each other, it always creates a strong bond between them, and leads to a good relationship, which, in turn, contributes to stronger feelings of romantic love. On the contrary, when people start feeling insecure and jealous, they start also experiencing less satisfaction, which in many cases leads to misunderstandings and conflicts in the relationships. All this can point to the signs of an obsessive love.
Companionship, or friendship-type love, which is what people usually see and expect as the natural transformation of any happy relationship, may be an unnecessary compromise. Partners should fight for their love with all the possible means. And couples who have been together for many years and wish to rekindle their romantic feelings, should remember that this is an attainable goal that, like most good things in life, requires patience, energy and devotion:(

My Chemical Romance- "I don't love you like I loved you yesterday"

Stereotype

Today I want to write about stereotypes, I found an article of mine in my notebook for rough draft, I reorganized it and wanted to share...
A "stereotype" is a generalization about a person or group of persons. We develop stereotypes when we are unable or unwilling to obtain all of the information we would need to make fair judgments about people or situations. Our society often innocently creates stereotypes, but these stereotypes often lead to unfair discrimination and persecution when the stereotype is unfavorable.
For example, if we are walking through a park late at night and encounter three citizens wearing fur coats and walking with canes, we may not feel as threatened as if we were met by three high school-aged boys wearing leather jackets. Why is this so? We have made a generalization in each case. These generalizations have their roots in experiences we have had ourselves, read about in books and magazines, seen in movies or television, or have had related to us by friends and family. In many cases, these stereotypical generalizations are reasonably accurate. Yet, in virtually every case, we are resorting to prejudice by ascribing characteristics about a person based on a stereotype, without knowledge of the total facts. By stereotyping, we assume that a person or group has certain characteristics. Quite often, we have stereotypes about persons who are members of groups with which we have not had firsthand contact.
Television, books, comic strips, and movies are all abundant sources of stereotyped characters. For much of its history, the movie industry portrayed African-Americans as being unintelligent, lazy, or violence-prone. As a result of viewing these stereotyped pictures of African-Americans, for example, prejudice against African-Americans has been encouraged. In the same way, physically attractive women have been and continue to be portrayed as unintelligent or unintellectual and sexually promiscuous.
Stereotypes also evolve out of fear of persons from minority groups. For example, many people have the view of a person with mental illness as someone who is violence-prone. But persons with mental illness tend to be no more prone to violence than the general population. Perhaps the few, but well-publicized, isolated cases of mentally ill persons going on rampages have planted the seed of this myth about these persons. This may be how some stereotypes developed in the first place; a series of isolated behaviors by a member of a group which was unfairly generalized to be viewed as a character of all members of that group.

Mythology and Religion

Throughout history people have been fascinated with the subject of religion and mythology. In this paper I will define both religion and mythology, and show how mythology can be seen as a religion.
First you must have some understanding and definition of religion before you can see how it relates to mythology. Dictionary defines religion as, "A belief in and reference for a supernatural power accepted as the creator and governor of the universe." My definition of religion would be a belief in a god as a higher or Supreme Being, and with a system of beliefs and practices. I perceive religion as a way to explain the unexplainable.
Secondly you must determine what myths are and how they are created. The word myth comes from the Greek word mythos, which in turn means story, tale or fiction. Webster's New Riverside Dictionary defines a myth as, " A traditional story originating in a preliterate society, dealing with supernatural beings, ancestors, or heroes that serve as primordial types in a primitive view of the world." Myths like any religion try to provide an explanation for unanswerable questions.
Greek mythology should not be mistaken for fact since there is no scientific evidence of these events but should be taken as advice. This is not saying that all mythology is untrue or fictional. Like in any religion, faith is the domineering factor; for without faith religion would cease to exist.
In every religion we as a society have created a hero or savior that will save the believer from great despair and tragedy. Prometheus and his battle for mankind is seen as one of the greatest Greek heroes. Though heroes do not have to be strong and mighty, they must be able to turn chaos into order. Campbell speaks of the metaphysical hero Buddha, who conquers chaos within himself to find nirvana. Buddha believed that if you could conquer the chaos inside of yourself you would find internal peace and happiness.
Though twenty-four hundred years have elapsed we really have not evolved that much from the Greek era. Our world still searches for the truth and tries to discover the unknown and conquer the unimaginable. It is important to remember that without myths there would be an unexplainable void in history. Mythology is not only an explanation for the unknown but a tool that helps us better understand one another.

"Dream Cathcer" (Rüya Avcısı)

Though at times the world seems more like a place filled with terrible marmalade, unselfish acts occur to remind everyone that good exists. Take the town of Derry where high school bullies regularly pick on Duddits, humiliating him in nasty ways like stripping him of his clothes and making him sit on or eat dog excrement. Four younger lads (Harry, Beaver, Jonesy, and Pete) rescue the Downs Syndrome boy from his tormentors and realize they like Duddits. For years afterward, the quintet formed a tight knight group to protect Duddits, who can telepathically communicate with them.

When the awesome foursome grow up, they leave town and Duddits behind, but get together every year for hunting(minus Duddits). However, this time their get together is filled with danger as a spaceship containing unfriendly and dangerous passengers has landed. The government quarantines the area, planning to kill any living creature isolated in the infected zone. However one alien has snatched the body of Henry with plans to spread his fungi race around the globe.

Stephen King provides his zillion fans with another exciting tale centering on hostile aliens threatening to take over the planet. DREAMCATHCER stars heroic people especially Duddits, who is willing to die to stop the destruction of humanity so that his friends can live. Mr. King has written an entertaining suspense thriller that shows he remains a force in fiction.

Here there is trailer of movie of that book, "Dreamcatcher".

Divorce and Children

In divorces where there are children, is the solution not to tighten the divorce law but to tighten child support laws?

Today, many children are left behind with only one parent due to divorce. In many studies it has been shown that children of divorced couples receive many negative effects on their well-being. Hence, tighter child support laws are not the answer. All the money in the world cannot cure the psychological damage that divorce has on a child. Children need two parents as they are growing up.

Today, it is too easy to go about getting a divorce. Both spouses do not even have to be in agreement in order to go through a divorce. For a parent to go through a divorce without the other spouse's consent is careless, especially when children are held in the balance. Children may be led to believe that the divorce is their fault. After the divorce the children also lose the opportunity to be with both of their parents at the same time. Memories like summer vacations or trips to the ballpark with mom and dad can no longer be created. Because of divorce, events like the ones previously stated can only be enjoyed with one of the parents.

Living with a single parent has another disadvantage. As a child grows up he or she may want a parent of the same sex to go to for advice. As a male child living with a single mother, I know how hard it can be when I have problems that a mother does not understand as well as a father would. It is important for children to have a parent of the same sex around for bonding purposes. Tighter child support laws cannot help things like that. Child support just helps the children eat food off of the table and have a place to live, and children need a lot more than that in order to stay healthy.

Be Understood!

Your conflicts sometimes lead to painful or bitter fights. When all is said and done after your difference du jour, you both feel frustrated, hurt, dejected and misunderstood. You both know you will repeat your familiar but painful scenario in the near future; it’s a matter of when, not if. You feel helpless and confused, and have no idea how to break the pattern you faithfully, but regrettably, repeat. In the end, the refrain is the same: “You just don’t understand!"
We all want to be heard and understood, and when we’re not, all too often we blame our partner for it. However, the responsibility for being understood begins on your own side of the street, not your partner’s. Unwittingly, you undercut being understood when under stress.
Ironically, you probably ‘know’ what constitutes effective and ineffective behavior when hashing out an issue. And yet, ineffective stuff easily surfaces. For example, calling your partner a derogatory name seldom leads to your partner feeling safe, but you do it anyway, with predictable consequences.
This happens, in part, because emotional states tend to trump clear thinking. Keeping emotional reactivity low can be a challenge. Humans run from pain much faster than doing the crucial work that leads them toward pleasure. Why? Our brains are wired to run from danger and pain. It’s a survival reflex.
Ineffective behavior in the service of decreasing your pain reduces emotional safety. In short, a relationship is only as emotionally safe as the partner who feels the least safe.
When couples decide to join their lives together, they believe their union is a team. Introduce conflict in to your day-to-day lives, it may feel like you’re on opposing teams! Amazing, isn’t it? How often have you said to yourself, your partner or a friend, “when we fight, I can never win,”? Or, “I knew I married Mr./Ms. Right, I just didn’t know his/her first name was ‘always’!”
Being right during a conflict goes hand in hand with winning. The result is the same. The ‘right’ one feels good, and the ‘wrong’ one feels bad. The net effect: distance, and a failure to produce emotional safety and relationship closeness.
So, here’s what to do instead of pounding a nail in to your shoe. What if you did some things completely different, such as the following: 1)gave up being right and winning 2)spoke with honesty 3)talked about yourself. OK, now, suspend disbelief, take a deep breath, give it a shot, try any or all, and see what happens:)

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Dostoevsky is my favorite ancient author. The Brothers Karamazov is my favorite book, I also enjoy the Idiot, Crime and Punishment, The Gambler and Notes from the Underground. His books are moralistic, but as others have pointed out--not dogmatic. His personal life was pretty interesting, in a sad way. His father was a violent alcoholic, he came from a large family, his mother died of tuberculosis, he was exiled to Siberia after being part of a 'mock execution' which, apparently, is how they handled criminals back then. Weird. I believe that it was all these events that led him to be an existentialist back before it was 'cool' to do so. I also think this is why his books are so awesome still to this day. They do not always translate well, but they are definately worth the read. Here, I wanted to write some beautiful quotation of him:
"The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons. "
"If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you. "

The Subways- "All or Nothing"

If you’re tired of your favourite bands bemoaning the ‘difficult second album’ on the eve of phoning in substandard sophomore efforts, spare a thought for The Subways. Enduring Billy Lunn’s potentially voicebox-curtailing surgery, then the in-studio break-up of the guitarist and his bass-playing childhood sweetheart Charlotte Cooper, the trio’s difficulties cut deeper than the drummer getting into jazz or the singer preferring multipacks of Monster Munch to writing good tunes. It’s astonishing to consider then that, with their second record, the Welwyn Garden City band have somehow made the best British rock album of the year so far.

It’d be easy to spend the rest of this review exploring the impact both these events have had on the record, and there are, of course, timely reminders of what they’ve been through. Consider the title track’s soggy-eyed utterance of “Those days are dead and gone/And in time we all move on” or ‘I Wont Let You Down’ and Lunn’s admission, “I scream and shout/I’m lost for words”. But in understanding what makes the follow-up to their patchy 2005 debut ‘Young For Eternity’ great, it’s not so much what The Subways have been through that provides the clues, but rather where it suggests they’re going.See, here’s a record that gives a shot of endorphins into the arm of indie rock (we’re talking Sebadoh and Mudhoney rather than Kaiser Chiefs and The Pigeon Detectives here) and positions its creators as heirs to the throne of fuzz. ‘Alright’ recalls Bob Mould’s great post-Hüsker Dü outfit Sugar, ‘Kalifornia’ makes us want to dig out Therapy?’s 1994 bubblegum punk masterpiece ‘Troublegum’, ‘Shake! Shake!’ recalls sporadically fun Scot-rock .

It’s worth considering the input of producer Butch Vig, who has fine previous at this sort of thing, helping the band succeed second time out where their peers have so often failed. ‘All Or Nothing’ suggests that when the age-old union of melody and stomp-box combine, it sounds as thrilling as it has done at any point in the history of rock’n’roll. See, in ‘All Or Nothing’, The Subways haven’t just made a great record – they’ve vindicated everyone who still believes in the power and the glory of three chords and distortion pedals.


Here is a photo of me and my friend,in The Subway's concert, in Istanbul,2010.

Learning Disability in Childen

Today i want to mention about learning disability in children which a topic that concerns a counselor directly.
Firstly i want to define what is Learning Disability? It can be defined as a difficulty in one or more of the basic psychological processes involved in understanding or in using spoken or written language, which may manifest itself in an imperfect ability to listen, speak, write, spell or to do mathematical calculations. A child with a learning disability cannot try harder, pay closer attention, or improve motivation on their own; they need help tolearn how to do those things. A learning disability, or learning disorder, is not a
problem with intelligence.
The "early warning signs" of learning disability is very important.The primary characteristic of alearning disability is a Significant difference between a child's achievement in some areas and his or her overall intelligence.In Written language: difficulties with reading,writing and spelling, punctuation,slow copying can be seen. In spoken language: delays, disorders, and deviations in listening and speaking,prononciation problems,difficulty in learning new words,understanding, questions,lack of interest in story telling.In cognitive area: difficulty in remembering information and instructions,memorizing alphabet or days of week. In arithmetic: difficulty in performing arithmetic operations,counting or in understanding basic concepts such as size,shape and colour can be observed.
There is an important role of families in helping their children.Some pointers for parents of children with learning disabilities can be explained like that; take the time to listen to your children as much as you can. Love them by touching them, hugging them(they need physical contact), look for and encourage their strengths,interests, and abilities, reward them with praise, good words, smiles. Help them to correct their mistakes by showing what they should do. Don't hesitate to consult with teachers or other specialists in order to understand what might be done to help your child.

"Becoming Jane"

The movie can be summarized like this; first of all, Jane was forced to marry with a rich man (Wisley) although she did not feel affection to him, his snooty aunt disdained Jane and her family just because they were poor, that’s why Jane’s mother wanted her daughter to marry with a rich man not to be a woman ridiculous and despised like her. Unfortunately, someone has sent a letter to Tom's uncle portraying Jane as a husband hunter. Tom said he wanted his uncle to meet Jane for himself but his uncle was horrified and outraged.Unfortunately, Tom didn’t have the courage to leave his uncle. Jane tearfully left. After a short time, Tom appeared again and offered Jane to forsake everything else and elope. However, Jane found a letter in his pocket that is from his family thanking him for the money he has been sending.She believed that if she marries him, the guilt she feels will gradually erode their love. She told Tom goodbye and left again.
After I watch that film I impressed the character of Jane Austen so much. She was kind of a rebel to the authority of her family and social customs of her period. She could talk to a prominent judge or a wealthy Lady; she could explain her independent thoughts. She was strong and tough although she was emotional underneath. She was such a tomboy; in a screen she played cricket like men, indeed she successed. She was genius with a sense of humor.
According to me, this autobiography may be helpful for a counselor to understand certain concerns of people; for example, a mother’s concerns about her daughter’s future, a student’s concerns about his fight to survive his family from poverty, a woman’s concerns about raising his voice, standing on her own, marrying with whom she feels love and affection. These concerns were processed successfully in the movie; especially the quotations about these were very good according to me. For example, in a screen Mrs. Austen said “Affection is desirable. Money is absolutely indispensable!” that reflects clearly her concerns about her daughter. In another screen for example, Tom Lefroy said “How can you, of all people, dispose of yourself without affection?” and Jane Austen answered “How can I dispose of myself with it?” pointing her desperation in their love. A lot of quotations like these showing their concerns about their lives made us understand concerns are the likely the same in every period of time and in every corner of the world.